Okay, I am just stumbling out of bed and realizing I have no TMI Tuesday up. This post is incredibly off the cuff and short and lacking. I do apologize.

So I woke up this morning thinking about Chandler. I have to admit, I still love Friends. When I first got the idea for GOTH, my “high concept” was something like, “An episode (or perhaps a season) of Friends, set in the Regency.” The characters are all young, good-looking, witty, and at the time in their life where they’re pairing up and settling down. Plus, I wanted to write lots of fun, snappy dialogue. Of course, the idea evolved from there and became a bit more complex – but there are definitely Friends-inspired scenes in that book – big groups of characters, talking at cross-purposes and taking good-natured jabs at one another.

So I was thinking about Chandler this morning, and how he was picky. Do you guys remember this? Before he hooked up with Monica, there was a point where he believed he’d end up alone forever, because any little thing could be a deal-breaker for him. He’d eliminate a girl from the ‘possibilities’ list for the most ridiculous reasons – her head was too big, her voice was too high, she had too many goldfish, etc.

Chandler’s case was extreme, but don’t we all have those little lines we just can’t cross?

What, for you, is a deal-breaker? Any personal habits you just can’t or won’t abide? Professions? Physical characteristics? Come on, dish – what’s the pettiest reason you’ve ever had for crossing a guy off the list?

For some reason (perhaps a lack-of-caffeine reason) I have no RL example of my own at the ready. Something’s bound to come up in the comment trail, I’m sure. But I’m thinking, if there’s one physical attribute I’d have a hard time getting past, it’s a hairy back. Just … just no.

Oh, and while you’re at it, help me fill the coffer of TMI topics for future weeks… Anything you’re dying to discuss?

29 comments to “TMI Tuesday – The Deal-Breaker”

  1. Maggie Robinson
    · June 26th, 2007 at 7:19 am · Link

    I have said this before, but I actually broke up with my high school-into-college boyfriend because he didn’t like the Beatles. Plus he was saving himself for marriage. Now THAT’S TMI.

    Now the deal-breaker would be personal hygiene. I squeak I’m so clean.

  2. Darcy Burke
    · June 26th, 2007 at 9:16 am · Link

    Smoking. That’s the end-all deal breaker. You could be the hottest guy on the planet, but if you smoke, no thanks. I’m actually thinking of more as I write this. Guess I’m picky. Good thing I’ve been married to the love of my life for 15 and a half years (yes, I got married when I was 12).

    Jerry Seinfeld’s character was way picky too. And Mike Myers character in So I Married An Axe Murderer (one of my all time favorites) dumped a girl because she smelled like soup.

    I broke up with a guy in junior high after a couple of days because I just couldn’t get past his ginormous nose. And he wasn’t bad looking! Plus, he was really nice (we were friends for a long time) and was totally into me! But hey, I was what, 14?

  3. Tessa Dare
    · June 26th, 2007 at 9:26 am · Link

    So let me get this straight, Maggie – you dumped your bf because he wouldn’t put out? 😉 Well, it’s nice to know girls can be on the giving end of that exchange, too! But really – how can you trust someone who says they don’t like the Beatles? It’s like people who say they don’t like chocolate. What’s up with that???

    Darcy, I’m 100% with you on smoking. I’ve never dated a guy who smoked. Icky. I think you’re forgiven for any ‘relationship’ decisions made at the age of 14!

  4. India Carolina
    · June 26th, 2007 at 10:16 am · Link

    Okay, this is an easy answer for me because I am still kicking myself over this one. Of course, I realize we probably would have broken up eventually for some other legitimate reason, but I once actually broke up with a guy in high school because he used to wear a shirt that I didn’t like- a lot ( I mean he wore it a lot).

    This guy was brilliant, handsome, DEEP, thoughtful, popular and he adored me. Actually maybe that was the real problem. He was too perfect. I still pine for him and that’s no lie. We still exchange Christams cards- I have a picture of him with his perfect family on my fridge! TMI?

  5. lacey kaye
    · June 26th, 2007 at 10:54 am · Link

    Like India, our relationship was destined to end at some future date. But when he got arrested (for tossing a rock out of a moving car and hitting ANOTHER car–this one belonging to a CORRECTIONS OFFICER, doh!–he decided to cut his hair so he’d look more ‘civilized’ in court. And I hated his new haircut–made his head look HUGE–and that was it, baby. See ya later.

  6. terrio
    · June 26th, 2007 at 11:39 am · Link

    I love these reasons. LOL! And I loved Chandler. The fact he could be so picky when he himself had a deal breaker – the third nipple. That always cracked me up.

    I’m actually having this issue now since I’m back to casual dating. The first one had apparently never heard of foreplay. Sorry but this is TMI Tuesday. I’m talking pants off and we’re in!

    Then there was the runner dude who only ate healthy food, had a twitch and explained how he ate dinner between 5:30 and 6 or he didn’t eat. That was his deal breaker which meant let’s not make the deal.

    The latest was just annoying. So many things to list. Called me drunk before we’d actually met in person. Was too short when we did meet in person. Too old looking. Too creepy. You name it.

    I thought I was getting less picky but I think it’s going in the opposite direction. It’s gotten to where if I see his sign (online profile obviously) and it says Libra or Gemini I’m out. And smoking is one of mine too but that’s because I’m allergic and well, I don’t have a choice but to avoid it.

    I’ve seen some guys list their deal breaker as sarcasm. Yeah, we won’t be getting together any time soon…

  7. Stephanie
    · June 26th, 2007 at 11:43 am · Link

    Oh good answers! I’d go with smoking and hygiene (I know, I’m being so original!). I can’t think of any other thing that would be a complete deal-breaker upon meeting except for those two things.

    Oh hmm. Nm. Thought of two other things–racism and any man who doesn’t believe in a woman’s right to vote. I had two of these kinds of conversations come up and I was so incredibly turned off. Disgusts me.

  8. Tessa Dare
    · June 26th, 2007 at 12:07 pm · Link

    India, I think a lot of us have those one or two guys we’ll always wonder ‘what if’ about. But really, if the deal-breaker was a shirt, that was probably just the excuse you gave yourself because deep down you knew he wasn’t right for you.

    Lacey – of all the things in that story – the reckless behavior, the arrest, the court appearance – I love it that the deal-breaker was … the haircut. LOL!

    TerriO – I know we can always count on you for some genuine TMI – but I must say, I’m with you on breaking all those deals. No foreplay in the early stages = what exactly, a few years down the road? OTOH, though – maybe he’s got potential and just needs a patient lover to teach him. Yeah, good luck to her whoever she may turn out to be!

    And that “I eat between 5:40 and 5:45 or not at all” stuff? Oh, scary. Run. Run away. Shades of _Sleeping with the Enemy_.

    Stephanie – where in the world are you meeting guys who “don’t believe in” a woman’s right to vote? Uhhh…Believe it, fellas! Sheesh.

  9. terrio
    · June 26th, 2007 at 12:12 pm · Link

    Well, Tessa, the dude was 32 years old. And I did think of that but I’m too old to be spending my time fixing them for someone else.

    She wants him she can teach him. The real shame was that he was 6’7″ and proportional. LOL! How’s that for TMI?

  10. Tessa Dare
    · June 26th, 2007 at 12:36 pm · Link

    ROFL, Terri – I would think a guy that .. erm, tall would have learned the benefit of foreplay by now! These are the guys who could benefit from reading a few romance novels.

  11. Lenora Bell
    · June 26th, 2007 at 1:12 pm · Link

    I’ve had two suitors with halitosis, aka “oral malodor,” aka really bad breath. I don’t care how cool you are, and how hip your Bauhaus-inspired band is, if you’ve got the malodor, you ain’t kissing me.

  12. Alice Audrey
    · June 26th, 2007 at 1:47 pm · Link

    After my first boyfriend and I broke up he tried to get back together with a peace offering gift – a Parfait glass full of jellybeans. Um… No.


  13. India Carolina
    · June 26th, 2007 at 2:49 pm · Link

    OMG Alice. ROFLPMP.

  14. terrio
    · June 26th, 2007 at 2:56 pm · Link


    That’s a new one on me. What the heck does that mean?! LOL!

  15. Maggie Robinson
    · June 26th, 2007 at 4:05 pm · Link

    Just a wild guess, Ter…peeing my pants? plumping my pillows? potting my petunias?

  16. Kelly Krysten
    · June 26th, 2007 at 4:53 pm · Link

    LOLOL! Terri, you are the greatest TMIer(?) evah! Tessa, maybe you should offer a TMI award???

  17. terrio
    · June 26th, 2007 at 6:06 pm · Link

    Maggie – I think you hit it with peeing my pants. That would make sense. LOL! Though plumping my pillows could have so many delicious interpretations.

    Kelly – I’ve read some of these past TMI blogs and I could never hold a candle to CM. LOL!

  18. Tessa Dare
    · June 26th, 2007 at 8:55 pm · Link

    Ooh, I like the idea of a TMI award! It could be awarded to someone different each week, you know. I’m thinking of the “TMI Tiara” – if only I knew photoshop, I’d make a little icon.

    Hint, hint. Sara Lindsey, you out there? Anyone else got the photoshop skillz?

  19. Marianne Harden
    · June 27th, 2007 at 8:46 am · Link

    Hi, Tessa…..this is my first post to your blog, I’ve enjoy reading (and lurking…(grin) but haven’t posted, but with Lacey’s (waving to my WC friend) assistance, I’m learnin’ the ropes….

    As to deal breakers….well, my moment of icky pickiness came in the form of a booger. A huge sloppy booger. (Truly, I am not even sure that is how one spells booger since I don’t use the word too often 🙂

    But one summer day in between my sophomore and junior year in high school, my boyfriend and I were swimming in the Pacific (So Cal).

    Well, the love of my life (or so I thought since he had the best arms in town) dove under a wave, and when he rose from the water….OMG…..he had the hugest booger on his face. Not just on his face, but wallpapering his cheeks and nose.

    My eyes widened, and then he leaned down to give me a kiss……Yowsers! The big booger was out to get me. I dove under a wave and got the heck out of dodge.

    Not mature, I know, but the next week I broke up with him. I just had to cuz every time he tried to kiss me all my mind could see was the big looming booger.

    Sad but true, I lost the best arms in town to a slimy smear of snot.

    Marianne (Scarlett from Avon)

  20. Tessa Dare
    · June 27th, 2007 at 9:22 am · Link

    OMG, Marianne –

    Amy said it best – ROFLPMP! That’s so hilarious. Thanks for delurking!

  21. Alice Audrey
    · June 27th, 2007 at 10:04 am · Link

    Eeewwwww,Marianne. I’m with you!


  22. Cynthia Falcon
    · June 27th, 2007 at 10:05 am · Link

    Teeth are important. A man need to have a full set of choppers and keep himself up. BO and Halitosis are a big turnoff. Smoking stinks. Can’t stand the smell, and have been known to attempt castration on a guy who tries lighting up in my car. Have some respect, sheesh.

  23. Lady Leigh
    · June 27th, 2007 at 10:47 am · Link

    Sloppy kisses. Yuck. Total deal breaker for me. Luckily there are men out there who have learned the fine art of kissing. I have too many bad memories of boys and their wet mouths and slimy tongues. Ugh. Now, a big wet kiss can be nice if done on purpose and correctly 😉

  24. CM
    · June 27th, 2007 at 11:37 am · Link

    Quick post: My irrational deal breaker? Blond.

    My rational deal breaker? Acts like an adult too much of the time.


  25. Lynne Simpson
    · June 27th, 2007 at 4:08 pm · Link

    If a guy has a mean streak, that’s a deal-breaker for me. Whether this shows up as a cruel sense of humor, a hatred for animals, or whatever, it is and has always been a deal-breaker for me. I’m not too fond of liars and cheats, either.

    But the most trivial reason that I’ve ever lost interest in someone was the discovery that he had really lousy taste in music. 😛

  26. doglady
    · June 27th, 2007 at 5:51 pm · Link

    Hi,Tessa! Like my fellow Slave – Marianne – I have lurked and grinned on your blog many times! You have the most delicious subjects! Hmmm. Deal breakers. I have never dated a guy who smoked as I have been singing since i was nine and smoking and singing just don’t mix. Quite a few of my high school girlfriends could not believe that I dumped my high school boyfriend because he did NOT want me to go to college. He worked as a master brick mason, made ridiculous amounts of money and wanted me to marry him right after graduation and stay home to take care of him and our subsequent children. I am 5 foot nothing. He was 6 feet 8, blond haired, blue eyed,swimmer’s body raised in Florida. Get the picture? He told me he would build me a house anywhere in Alabama I wanted as long as I did not have a career other than being his wife. Sorry, Gorgeous! No deal!

  27. Tessa Dare
    · June 28th, 2007 at 7:01 am · Link

    LOL – I think that “teeth are important” and sloppy kissing may be corollaries.

    Doglady, it’s so good to see you! Congrats again on your Royal Ascot final – I have my fingers crossed for you! But I must say, I think you did the absolutely right thing in telling Mr. Bricklayer to take a hike.

    Lynne – taste in music is NOT trivial!

    CM – I have never dated a blond guy, myself.

  28. Ericka Scott
    · June 28th, 2007 at 8:41 pm · Link

    Hmmmmm…. smoking would have to top my deal-breaker list.

    Then there was one guy who never had ANYTHING good to say about anyone. Everyone was stupid, lazy, fat. . .etc. I was afraid to know what he was saying about me behind my back.

    And there was this really sweet guy. . . but when he showed up to take me to a 4th of July parade (think 90-degree, 90% humidity) in a long-sleeved shirt and a TIE. . .well, that did it for me. I’m not even sure why! But I was grateful that it rained and we couldn’t do the fireworks and I had to work early the next day, etc, etc, etc.

  29. beverley
    · June 29th, 2007 at 5:09 am · Link

    Smoking!! Bad breath! Bad hygiene. Some obvious ones. I was turned off a guy because of the way he chewed his food. I just didn’t like it. 🙂