Over on Salon.com, Cary Tennis writes this magnificent “advice” column called Since You Asked. The “advice” he gives is seldom really advice, and it seldom has much to do with whatever superficial concern the original letter addressed. He’s the kind of hero I blogged about yesterday – someone who sees the divine in the mundane. He takes a question about laundry as an invitation to discuss the soul.

So earlier this week, he answered a letter from a woman who couldn’t understand why men weren’t falling all over themselves to marry her gorgeous, successful, perfect self. Now Dr. Phil or that “He’s Just Not Into You” guy would probably give her some pointers about how to dress, where to meet men, or just tell her to get over herself. You can read the letter and Mr. Tennis’ whole answer here, but my favorite bit was this:

We men are filled with longing and things that don’t fit — guilt about
blunders and lies we have told and failures we have brought about. Most of us
are a mess is what I’m saying. And we’re looking for a home for our messed-up
selves.

Everybody is happy to house our goodness. That’s no problem. … But
who will house our darkness? Some homes are too shiny and they scare us; we
don’t know where to put our feet.

…It is our dark selves for which we seek a home in a relationship.

And thank you, thank you Cary Tennis – because that is exactly what my book is about, but I didn’t have those lovely words to say it. Except I would argue that women are pretty much seeking the same.