Gee, has it been a whole week since I blogged? I’ve been working hard, promise. Still revising GOTH (although I had a nice mental breakthrough for a scene GOB I’m itching to write down soon.) The floor of my writing corner is littered with murdered darlings. It’s a veritable darling bloodbath. Ah, revision.

Then last night, Mr. Dare fell asleep with the TV on, and I got completely sucked into this amazing film, Brothers of the Head. It’s a fake documentary about a 70s punk band, but completely different from ‘mockumentaries’ like Christopher Guest’s Spinal Tap or A Mighty Wind. (Sidenote: Have you all seen Waiting for Guffman? You must see Waiting for Guffman.)

Anyhoo, Brothers of the Head is the ‘true story’ of Siamese twins Tom and Barry, featured in the punk-rock group “The Bang Bang.” And it is amazing. The lead performances from (non-conjoined) twins Luke and Harry Treadaway had me riveted, as did the film’s rather voyeuristic storytelling style. The twins’ wildly divergent personalities and the exploitive influences around them make for a sort of self-destructing, Jekyll-and-Hyde trainwreck of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. And you can’t watch this movie without thinking waaay too hard about what it would like to be with another person – All. The. Time. To share everything, to have no privacy whatsoever, to never be alone with even your thoughts.

Now this may be a Tessa Dare first, the quoting of an existentialist, but blame my college-dorm production of No Exit. Sartre wrote, “Hell is other people.” And this movie makes a really convincing case for that.

So it seemed appropriate, for TMI Tuesday, to talk about privacy and boundaries. What do you refuse to share with anyone – even your closest family, your best friend, or your significant other? Old secrets? A toothbrush? Your writing?

Seen any good movies lately?

22 comments to “TMI Tuesday – Too Close for Comfort”

  1. India Carolina
    · July 30th, 2007 at 10:14 pm · Link

    My home phone number. Swear to God. I don’t actually know it myself. 🙂

  2. lacey kaye
    · July 30th, 2007 at 10:31 pm · Link

    If I told you, I’d have to kill you. Isn’t that the point?

  3. Tessa Dare
    · July 30th, 2007 at 10:38 pm · Link

    Lacey, you can tell obliquely, can’t you? And it doesn’t have to be a secret. It could be some object, or a place.

  4. CM
    · July 31st, 2007 at 4:30 am · Link

    There are very few things I refuse to share with other people. My big weird thing is that if I need some time by myself, and I take it, and somebody asks what I was doing … I don’t want to answer. It’s okay if I volunteer the information myself, but if I HAVE to tell, it feels like it ruins the self-time.

    Now how’s that for bizarre? I’m not even sure it makes sense.

  5. beverley
    · July 31st, 2007 at 4:32 am · Link

    Hmmm, my toothbrush yes. And I won’t use my debit card online when I make purchases.

  6. Maggie Robinson
    · July 31st, 2007 at 4:53 am · Link

    I’m an only child, and as outgoing and friendly as I can be, I crave my alone time…a lot of it. Writing and reading work really well for me.

    I don’t share my fork happily, or my space on an airplane (what there is of it…elbow wars) or my towel. My toothbrush is inviolate. I guess I’m really quite prissy. How did I survive raising four kids?

  7. Gillian
    · July 31st, 2007 at 5:34 am · Link

    I suppose if someone was always there, from the very beginning, you wouldn’t know the difference, but now? If I couldn’t separate myself from other on a regular basis . . .well, that “hell” quote would be pretty accurate. Or maybe it’s just an apt description of many folks from my day job. 🙂

    And I’m a mom, so with the girls, I share almost everything, but others? I’m with Maggie.

  8. Tessa Dare
    · July 31st, 2007 at 11:37 am · Link

    Totally agree that motherhood breaks down a lot of personal boundaries! I’m not squeamish about sharing personal items with close family members (not that we swap toothbrushes or anythng). I think the thing I refuse to share sometimes that irritates the heck out of Mr. Dare is a joke. Sometimes I’ll just think of something out of the blue – a story from someone’s blog, or something I read weeks ago, or a scene I just thought of – and I’ll laugh out loud. And then he always wants to know what’s so funny. But I can’t tell him, because a) it likely wouldn’t be funny to him, and b)after I went to the trouble of explaining the whole convoluted story, it probably wouldn’t seem funny to me anymore.

  9. Kelly
    · July 31st, 2007 at 12:16 pm · Link

    Sorry, tag issues!

    Hey! Long time no see! Between computer woes and driving cross-country, I haven’t blog hopped in more than a month!

    I completely get why you horde your jokes, Tessa. Too often, the explanation kills the humor of it.

    Um, as for not sharing, I’d have to say anything that goes in my mouth. 🙂 I didn’t mean it that way! I just meant, food, beverages, toothbrushes, oboe reeds, etc. I’m so uncomfortable when someone offers me a bite of their meal, especially if they offer it on their fork. It makes the food automatically taste like sawdust to me.

  10. AprilsMom
    · July 31st, 2007 at 12:24 pm · Link

    My bar of bath soap. I grew up with sisters and never thought a thing about sharing my soap–they’re family, right? But a few weeks into my freshman year at school, I found out my suitemate had been using my bar of bath soap. A near stranger, not family.
    I “graciously” let her have the old bar, bought new and carried it back and forth to the bathroom from then on in one of those little rectangular plastic containers. Yes, I felt down right prissy; no, I just couldn’t share.

    And everyone needs their own toothbrush. 🙂

  11. Kelly Krysten
    · July 31st, 2007 at 12:56 pm · Link

    It used to be lipstick for me, but my nieces broke that. Now I’d have to say there’s absolutely nothing I don’t share. (side note: This doesn’t mean I like the sharing.*g*)

  12. Christina
    · July 31st, 2007 at 1:04 pm · Link

    I won’t share my toothbrush. Some of my writing, like my poetry, I will never share.

    Secrets, yeah I have secrets that not even I know. 🙂

  13. Sara Dennis
    · July 31st, 2007 at 2:24 pm · Link

    I definitely have issues with sharing my toothbrush. I did it with the Engineer once because I had to. Gah, I had the squirms all day.

    I’m an only child too and I desperately need my space. I can be affectionate and even cuddly with people, but eventually, I have to retreat to my own space. And if I’m in space-needing mode and that space is invaded, I’m downright unpleasant about chasing people out.

  14. Lenora Bell
    · July 31st, 2007 at 4:26 pm · Link

    The amount of Rachel Perry Ginseng and Collagen wrinkle cream I use every month…and the amount of money I spend in thrift stores. No body knows but me.

  15. Alice Audrey
    · July 31st, 2007 at 5:20 pm · Link

    I’m freaky about germs. I’ll only share with my husband, and even then I won’t share his toothbrush.

  16. doglady
    · July 31st, 2007 at 7:35 pm · Link

    Definitely my toothbrush, my loofah, stuff like that. I love people and have a great time with my friends. I enjoy meeting people. I am very outgoing. BUT, I LOVE my privacy when I want it. I live in the middle of nowhere and I really love it. When I retreat – to write, to read or just to contemplate, I am very jealous of that time and can be very unpleasant when it is interrupted. I am very jealous of my personal space. I have lived alone since my husband died (1993)and I never remarried because I knew I would never find anyone like him. He UNDERSTOOD when I wanted to be alone. Living with a musician is NOT easy. We are moody as the devil! Before a performance we tend to wander off and don’t want company. He dealt with all of it with humor, understanding and love. I have to agree with India. My home phone only goes to very dear friends (like my dear Slaves) and a few dear family members. I hate to say it, but not all family members are dear! I would be willing to share some of them with you all. Permanently!

  17. CM
    · August 1st, 2007 at 4:20 am · Link

    Oh, Lenora–you made me realize that the one thing I absolutely DON’T share is financial stuff about random useless crap I buy. Not at all. Not to anyone. Not even if I got a good deal.

    This is why Mr. Milan and I have multiple bank accounts. It’s not that I have anything to hide. I just don’t want anyone to know. Isn’t that ridiculous?

  18. Santa
    · August 1st, 2007 at 7:44 am · Link

    LOL, the first thing that came to my mind was ‘What channel was that movie on?!’

    I don’t know if this counts as sharing but I can’t stand when people invade that invisible personal space around me. I don’t have a problem in elevators..they’re going to get crowded but it drives me crazy if someone comes up close to me on line. Back Off! Gads, that makes me sound like Les Nessmann, doesn’t it?

  19. Tessa Dare
    · August 1st, 2007 at 12:19 pm · Link

    On toothbrushes – Like I said, I don’t swap toothbrushes with Mr. Dare daily or anything, but we’ve used one another’s on occasion (we’re traveling, and one of us forgot to pack his, etc.) – TMI yet? – and I honestly don’t see the big deal. We kiss, so what’s the difference? And I’d rather he use my toothbrush than not brush his teeth at all. But that’s just me. Germs don’t bother me. I let my kids eat stuff they’ve dropped on the floor and just chalk it up to immunity-building. So far, so good.

    I don’t have too much problem with the money issue, either. Probably because Mr. Dare doesn’t notice or care what I spend, and I don’t like shopping anyway.

    But I completely feel what Sara and Pam/Doglady and Santa and others are saying about the need for space and alone time. I *need* that, and boy is it hard to get it when you take care of two small children full-time. Introverts are really lucky when we can find someone who respects that need and won’t take offense. I think that’s why I found this conjoined twins movie so disturbing – these were people who really *needed* some alone time and just couldn’t get it.

  20. Ericka Scott
    · August 1st, 2007 at 4:45 pm · Link

    What a time sensitive post….

    I’ll share just about anything, and nothing really gives me the willies…

    But personal TIME is another matter. I have two small boys who suck up soooo much of my energy and creativity. What little I have left when they nap is MY time…and lately, I’ve had people that figure “Oh, the boys are down for a nap, now is a good time to call”. There’s been days when the phone rings non-stop between the hours of 1 and 3. I tried turning the ringer off on the phone, but the constant beep-beep of the answering machine or the whir of a hang-up drives me nuts too!

    I can’t even imagine NEVER being able to be by myself.

  21. Lenora Bell
    · August 2nd, 2007 at 2:58 pm · Link

    CM said: It’s not that I have anything to hide. I just don’t want anyone to know. Isn’t that ridiculous?

    Not at all! I’m exactly the same way. In fact, I’ve been known to ditch the “evidence” (telltale shopping bags) so there are no questions when I get home. Weird, but true.

  22. laurieire
    · August 4th, 2007 at 8:07 pm · Link

    I agree with Santa about the personal space issue. I don’t like when people crowd me. I’m also very protective of my “alone” time. I need that time to think, write, and just regroup from a busy week.

    Oh, and my mint chocolate chip ice cream… no one touches that! 😉